Unit 2
Men V.S. (against) Women男女有别
Preview
You were once involved in an intimate relationship with the opposite sex; if not, just think about your parents or other couples you are familiar with. Smart as you are, you may have noticed that no relationship can avoid frustration or conflict, no matter how hard the two involved try to understand and compromise. Given their diverse patterns of feeling, communicating, and responding, there is reason to believe that men and women belong to different species (though they are both human beings), and then everything can be explained.
Text
(Let)Men Go to Their Caves and Women (go to their) Talk1男女顺其自然
John Gray
[1] One of the biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with (deal with) stress. Me
n become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasingly overwhelmed (defeated) and emotionally involved. At these times (At these moments), a man's needs for feeling good (良好的感觉) are different from a woman's (needs). He feels better by solving problems while she feels better by talking about problems. Not understanding and accepting these differences creates (leads to) unnecessary friction (conflict) in our relationships (marriages). Let's look at a common (常见的) example.
[2] When Tom comes home, he wants to relax and unwind (=relaxed) by quietly reading the news. He is stressed (bothered) by the unsolved problems of his day and finds relief (解脱->relieve) through forgetting them.
[3] His wife, Mary, also wants to relax from her stressful day. She, however, wants to find (relieve->) relief by talking about the problems of her day. The tension slowly building (strenthening累积) between them gradually becomes resentment (hatred).
[4] Solving this problem for Tom and Mary depends not on how much they loved each other but on how much they understood the opposite sex. Without knowing that women really do need to talk about problems to feel better, Tom would continue to think Mary talked too much and resist listening to her. W
ithout knowing that Tom was reading the news to feel better, Mary would feel ignored and neglected. She would persist in trying to get (make) him to talk when he didn't want to.
Coping with stress on Mars2 and Venus3
[5] When a Martian (火星人) gets (becomes) upset he never talks about what is bothering him. He would never burden (vt. bother) another Martian with his problem unless his friend's assistance (help) was necessary to solve the problem. Instead (On the contray) he becomes very quiet and goes to his private cave4(corner) to think about his problem, mulling it over to find a (to solve a problem<->to answer a question) solution. When he has found a solution, he feels much better and comes out of his cave.
[6] If he can't find a solution to forget his problems, like (such as) reading the news or playing a game. By disengaging (release) his mind (brain) from the problems of his day, gradually he can relax. If his stress is really great it takes (needs) getting involved with something even more challenging, like (such as) racing (drving) his car, (compete->) competing in a
contest, or climbing a mountain.
[7] When a Venusian (woman) becomes upset (nervous) or is stressed by her day, to find relief, she seeks out (find) someone she trusts and then talks in great detail about the problems of her day. When Venusians (women) share feelings of being overwhelmed, they suddenly feel better. This is the Venusian (woman) way.
Finding relief in the cave.
[8] When a man is stressed he will withdraw into the cave of his mind (心灵的空间/时间：独处的时刻) and focus on solving a problem. He generally (usually) picks (choose) the most urgent problem or the most difficult. He becomes so focused (absorbed) on solving this one problem that he temporarily loses awareness of everything else. Other problems and responsibilities fade into the background (退到幕后).
[9] At such times (at such moments), he becomes increasingly distant, forgetful, unresponsive, and preoccupied in his relationships. His full awareness (conscience) is not present because he is mulling (thinking) over his problem, hoping to find a solution. The more stressed he is, the more gripped (occupied聚精会神) by the problem he will be. At such times he is incapable of giving a woman the attention and feeling that she normally (usually) receives and certainly deserves. If, however, he can fi
nd a solution, instantly (immediately/ at once) he will feel much better and come out of his cave; suddenly he is available (free) for being in a relationship again.
[10] However, if he cannot find a solution to his problem, then he remains (stick: n./vi.) stuck (cornered) in the cave. To get (free) unstuck (released) he is drawn to solving little problems, like (such as) reading the news, watching TV, driving his car, doing physical exercise, watching a football game, playing basketball, and (so on and) so forth. Any challenging activity that (initiate->) initially (=previously) requires only 5 percent of his mind (mental energy脑力) can assist (help) him in forgetting his problems and becoming unstuck. Then the next day he can redirect his focus to his problem with greater success (=more successfully). [be at sb.’s wit’s end]
Finding relief through talking
[11] When a woman is stressed she instinctively feels a need to talk about her feelings and all the possible problems that are associated with her feelings. When she begins talking she does not (priority->) prioritize the significance of any problem. If she is upset, then she is upset about it all, (no mater it is) big and small. She is not (medium) immediately concerned with (=worry about sth./ sb.) finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood. By randomly talking about her problems, she becomes less upset (nervous).
[12] As a man under stress tends to (likely) focus on one problem and forget others, a woman under stress tends to expand and become overwhelmed (defeated) by all problems. By talking about all possible problems without focusing on problem solving she feels better. Through exploring her feelings in this process (过程) she gains (gets) a greater awareness (understanding) of what is really bothering her, and then suddenly she is no longer (not anymore不再) so overwhelmed.
[13] To feel better, women talk about past problems, future problems, potential problems, even
women operate (live).
self (the right to be a woman)
[14] When a woman is overwhelmed (defeated) she finds relief through talking in great detail about her various problems. Gradually, if she feels she is being heard, her stress disappears. After talking about one topic she will pause and then move on to the next. In this way she continues to
expand talking about problems, worries, disappointments, and (frustrate->) frustrations. These topics need not be in any order and tend to be logically unrelated. If she feels she is not being understood, he
r awareness (knowledge) may expand even further, and she may become upset about more problems.
[15] Just as a man who is stuck in the cave needs little problems to distract him, a woman who doesn't feel heard will need to talk about other problems that are less immediate (=urgent) to feel relief. To forget her own painful feelings she may become emotionally involved in the problems of others. In addition (Besides/ Furthermore) she may find relief through discussing the problems of her friends, talking about her problems or others' problems, talking is a natural and healthy Venusian reaction (response) to stress.
Notes
1. This text is excerpted (cited/ adapted) from Men are from Mars, Women are from V enus (published in May 1992), which is a book by John Gray offering (giving) many suggestions for improving husband-wife relationships by understanding style and emotional needs of the opposite gender. The book, as suggested by the title, asserts (confirm) the notion (idea/ concept) that men and women are as different as beings from other planets. Gray adopts (采用) this metaphor (暗喻) as the central theme (主题) of all his books and seminars (small lectures), likening men and women to the classical Roman god Mars and goddess Venus as ideal types.
2. Mars is the fourth planet from the Sun in the Solar System. The planet is named after Mars, the Roman god of war (战神). It is also referred (called) to as the "Red Planet" because of its reddish (light red微红) appearance.
3. Venus is the second-closest planet to the Sun. The planet is named after Venus, the Roman goddess of love (爱神).
4. (hole) cave: it metaphorically refers to a state of situation or mind when men, under stress (压力), withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. John Gray refers to this as "retreating into their cave." In some cases they may (literate<->illiterate问文盲) literally retreat, for example, to the garage (车库/ 汽车修理厂) or spend time with friends. this is a
"time-out" (隐退的时间
themselves from the problems so their brains can focus on something else.
5. To expect otherwise is to deny a woman her sense of self: To expect a woman to react in another way is to turn a blind eye to her value as a woman, or a human being(s). [deny sb. of sth.=deprive sb.
of sth.(right)剥夺某人的某物]
Word Bank
(assist=help) assistance: n. aid帮助，协助; first aid急救
associate (~ A with B= relate A to B): 1) n.a companion (=company伙伴/ 公司; accompany sb. to somewhere); 1)n. a partner合伙人2)v. to connect in the mind or imagination联想; 3)a. 副~ professor副教授
disengage: v. to release (oneself) from an engagement, pledge, or obligation解脱，解放; be oblighed (#forced) to do sth.不得不做某事；be ~in sth.参与某事
(attract<->) distract (->distraction干扰): v. to cause to turn away from the original focus of attention or interest分散，转移
reaction paper to metaphor
(move->motion/ motion picture=film/ movie) emotionally: adv. related to emotion情绪上地
fade: v. to lose strength or vitality (energy)衰退
forgetful: adj. tending or likely (possible) to forget健忘; forgetable<->unforgetable
(frict: vt.) friction: n. conflict, as between persons having dissimilar ideas or interests矛盾Ignore (->ignorant->ignorance): v. to refuse to pay attention to不理睬，忽视
(instinct: n.-> instinctive; a.->) instinctively: adv. relating to, or resulting from instinct本能地
Mars: n. the fourth planet from the sun火星；~ Square战神广场
(mall购物广场#) mull: v. to go over extensively in the mind思虑; (neglegence->neglegeble) neglect: v. to pay little or no attention to忽视，疏忽overwhelm (overcome/ defeat): v. to overpower the thoughts, emotions, or senses (=reason) of 制服，控制
preoccupy: v. to engross the thoughts or mind of使全神贯注，迷住; enable; encourage鼓励(at random=) randomly: adv. of no specific order or pattern随意，任意地
(resent: vt.) resentment: n. anger, bitterness怨恨，愤恨
(lose one’s temper发火->temporary) temporarily: adv. of a short period of time暂时，临时地(tense->) tension: n. a situation or condition of (host<->hstess->hostile->) hostility suspense, or [easy#ease: 1. n./ 2. vt. to ease the pain；make you at ~=make you at home; feel/ be at ease很自在/ 很舒服) uneasiness (unconfortableness/ nervousness)紧张局势
(response: n. respond: vi. ->responsive->) unresponsive: adj. exhibiting a lack of responsiveness迟钝的
[wind: 1. n.->windy; 2. vt. to ~ the clock; 3. vi. ~ road] unwind: v. to make or become relaxed 放松，释放
Venus: n. the second planet from the sun金星
withdraw：v. to retire or retreat撤离，撤退
Phrases and Expressions
be associated with: to be connected with与…有关
cope with: to deal with妥善处理，有效地对付
fade into: to disappear into消失于…
focus on: to concentrate on聚焦
mull over (=think over): to reflect deeply on琢磨，反复考虑
persist in (sth./ doing sth.)= insist on (sth./ doing sth.): to continue doing (same) sth.[=continue to do sth. else]坚持，固执于…
II. Complete the following summary (summarize) of the text by filling in the blanks with words. The initial letter of each word has been given to you.
Both men and women have a lot to learn about the opposite sex before their relationships are truly (full+fill) fulfilling (=successful). The way of (1) coping with stress is just one of the must-to-know differences.
Every so often (Frequently), when a man is upset or (2) increasingly focused and (3) withdraws to his own cave (private space), which would end up (result in/ lead to导致) being the computer room (study书房
camped out in front of the TV for a few hours, not wanting to be talked to. All throughout the cave time, he stays (remains/ keeps) quiet, (4) mulling over the problem to find a (5) solution and becomes so focused (be absorbed in sth.) on solving this one problem that he temporarily loses (6) awareness of everything else.
On Venus (In the female world), however, one of the important rules to deal with stress is talking, talking, being heard and understood. When a woman is stressed out, she feels urged to share (~ sth. with sb.) and gain ideas on what they are feeling-- talking feels like (7) releasing the burden (包袱/ 负担) of what they are stressed about. Then she feels better by talking about all possible problems without (8) focusing on problem solving. It's great (=important) for her if she can feel she is being (9) heard, and then her stress disappears.
It's important to read between the lines and understand the difference. Most men will not be happy without a time and a place to retreat. And in the meantime (at the same), for women talking is a natural and healthy Venusian (10) reaction to stress.
Vocabulary
I. Choose the answer that best completes each sentence.
1. He was _____ with gratitude (n. thankfulness) to Professor Brown for helping him.
A. excited
B. concerned (worried)
C. overwhelmed (occupied)
D. interested
2. The _____ between the two sides of the Taiwan Straits has been greatly relaxed.
A. (intend->) intention
B. tension
C. tense
D. attention
3. The scholarship helped Martin to tide over (go through/ overcome) a _____ embarrassment.
A. temporary
B. contemporary(同时代/ 当代的)
C. temporal(temporal)
D. tempting (attract)
4. We should enhance (strong->strength->strengthen) people's _____ that caring for the aged is the traditional virtue (品质、道德) of Chinese culture.
A. excitement
B. knowledge
C. understanding
D. awareness (idea/ ideology意识形态)
5. I don't grudge (scorn/ look down upon蔑视/ accept) him his success, that is (i.e./ namely也就是说), I admit he _____ it.
A. (Indian) preserves (n预留)
B. conserves (保护)
C. deserves (该得到)
D. reserves (保留/ 含蓄)
6. While （Although）people traditionally _____ caring, sharing and (generous->慷慨大度) generosity in life and work, modern people seem to be more self-absorbing and self-concerned (=selfish).
A. value
B. regard (=consider: vt.)
C. prioritize(优先考虑)
D. (commodity日用品->)commoditize (to market as a product vt. 使商品化)
7. You can't regard him as a friend but (excerpt) a business _____.
A. (relate A to B->) relative
B. associate (colleague)
C. comrade同志
D. (speak->spoke->spoken->) spokesman发言人
8. I will calm (a./vt.平静) down and seriously _____ over my work and teaching methodology in order to take them to a new level (水平/ 高度).
A. mull
B. mumble
C. mute (quiet)
D. mock (=laugh at/ ridicule)

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