Unit 2  Reading4
Unconditional Mom 无条件的妈妈
I was a rotten teenager. 
我是个堕落的少年。
Not your average spoiled, know-it-all, not-going-to-clean-my-room, getting-an-attitude-because I'm-15 teenager.
不是一般的被宠坏的、无所不知的、不去打扫我的房间、养成一种态度的人，因为我是15岁的青少年。
No,I was a manipulative, lying, acid-tongued monster, who realized early on that I could make things go my way with just a few minor adjustments.
不，我是一个控制欲强、撒谎、毒舌的怪物，我很早就意识到，我可以让事情按照我的意愿发展，只需要做一些小的调整。
The writers for today's hottest soap opera could not have created a worse "villainess." 当今最热门的肥皂剧的编剧不可能创造出一个更糟糕的“恶棍”。
A few nasty comment here, a lie or two there, maybe an evil glare for a finishing touch, and thing would be grand. 
在这里说几句难听的话，在那里撒上一两个谎，也许还会恶狠狠地瞪上一眼，算是画龙点睛之笔，那就太好了。
Or so I thought. 至少我是这么想的。
For the most part, and on the outside, I was a good kid.
在很大程度上，在外面，我是个好孩子。
A giggly, pug-nose tomboy who liked to play sports and who thrived or competition (a nice way of saying: somewhat pushy and demanding).
一个喜欢运动、事业有成或喜欢竞争的傻笑的、长着哈巴狗鼻子的假小子(这是一种很好的
说法:有点强求)。
Which is probably why most people allowed me to squeak by using what I now call "bulldozer behavior tactics," with no regard for anyone I felt to be of value. 
这可能就是为什么大多数人允许我使用我现在称为“推土机行为策略”的方法，而不考虑我认为有价值的人。
For a while, anyway. 至少有一段时间。 
Since I was perceptive enough to get some people to bend my way, it amazed me how long it took to realize how I was hurting so many others. 
因为我有足够的洞察力让一些人向我屈服，所以我很惊讶我花了多长时间才意识到我是如何伤害了这么多人。
Not only did I succeed in pushing away many of my closest friends by trying to control them;  我不仅成功地赶走了许多最亲密的朋友，试图控制他们;
I also managed to sabotage, time and time again, the mos precious relationship in my life: my relationship with my mother.
我还一次又一次地试图破坏我生命中最珍贵的关系:我和母亲的关系。
Even today, almost 10 years since the birth of the new me, my former behavior astonishes me each time I reach into my memories. 
即使是今天，在新的我诞生将近10年之后，我以前的行为每次进入我的记忆时都会让我大吃一惊。
Hurtful comments that cut and stung the people I cared most about. 伤人的话伤害了我最在乎的人。
Acts of confusion and anger that seemed to rule my every move-all to make sure that things went my way.
困惑和愤怒的行为似乎控制着我的一举一动——一切都是为了确保事情按照我的意愿发展。
My mother, who gave birth to me at age 38 against her doctor's wishes, would cry to me.
我的母亲在38岁时违背医生的意愿生下了我，她会哭着对我说。
"I waited so long for you, please don't push me away.
“我等了你那么久，请不要把我推开。”
I want to help you!
我想帮助你!
I would reply with my best face of stone, "I didn't ask for you! 
我会板着脸回答:“我没有问你!”
I never wanted you to care about me! 
我从没想过要你关心我!
Leave me alone and forget I ever lived
离开我，忘记我曾经的生活
My mother began to believe I really meant it.My actions proved nothing less.
我母亲开始相信我是认真的。我的行动证明了这一点。
I was mean and manipulative, trying to get my way at any cost. 
我很卑鄙，很有控制欲，不惜一切代价想要得到我想要的。
Like many young girls in high school, the boys whom I knew were off limits were always the first ones I had to date. 
就像许多年轻的高中女生一样，那些我知道是禁区的男生总是我约会的第一个对象。Sneaking out of the house at all hours of the night just to prove I could do it Juggling complex lies that were always on the verge of blowing up in my face. 
为了证明我可以玩弄那些随时都可能在我面前爆炸的复杂谎言。
Finding any way to draw attention to myself while simultaneously trying to be invisible.
想办法把注意力吸引到自己身上，同时又不想被人注意。
Ironically, I wish I could say I had been heavy into drugs during that period of my life, swallowing mind-altering pills and smoking things that changed my personality, thus accounting for the terrible, razor-sharp words that came flying from my mouth. 
具有讽刺意味的是，我希望我能说，我在我生命的那一段时间里是一个瘾君子，吞下改变我思想的药丸，吸食改变我性格的东西，因此才有了那些从我嘴里飞出的可怕的、尖刻的话。However, that was not the case. 
然而，事实并非如此。
My only addiction was hatred; 
我唯一的嗜好就是仇恨;
my only high was inflicting pain.
我唯一的快感就是制造痛苦。
But then I asked myself why. 
但后来我问自己为什么。
Why the need to hurt? 
为什么需要伤害?
And why the people I cared about the most? 
为什么我最关心的人?
Why the need for all the lies?
为什么需要所有的谎言?
Why the attacks on my mother? 
为什么要攻击我母亲?
I would drive myself mad with all the why's until one day, it all exploded in a suicidal rage.
pushed
我会用所有的理由把自己逼疯，直到有一天，一切都在自杀的愤怒中爆发了。
Lying awake the following night at the "resort" (my pet name for the hospital), after an unsuccessful, gutless attempt to jump from a vehicle moving at 80 miles per hour, One thing stood out more than my Keds with no shoe laces. I didn't want to die.

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