Everyone has a self-image, and often it is a favorable one. It's perfectly natural to want to see ourselves affirmatively: as wise, responsible, intelligent, careful, observant, courageous, generous, thoughtful of others, good image to others. This desire is part of the larger desire to be good people, people of character, and to live up to the demanding standards that are required.
Unfortunately, those natural and healthy desires often prompt us to resort to face-saving maneuvers. Face-saving is attempting to preserve our self-image or the image we project to others when some unpleasant reality threatens it. The child who loses his temper and punches his playmate, for example, will say, "It's not my fault; she made me do it by laughing at me." The adult who makes a costly mistake at work will explain, "I couldn't help it; the directions I was given were misleading." Both are trying to save face, to find an excuse for their behavior. Most people are quick to accept praise but slow to accept blame. (A good example of these twin characteristics is the way many students speak of their grades: They'll say, "I got a B", but "defendingThe professor gave me a D.")
It would seem that fully mature, emotionally balanced individuals should be able to draw the line at these relatively modest maneuvers and not go beyond them. That is, they should be able to resist projecting onto others the share of blame they themselves deserve. In fact, many people do so most of the time. Yet no one behaves maturely in every situation.
FACE-SAVING SITUATION
All of us have moments when we strive unreasonably, and often unconsciously, to protect our image. For some of us, those moments occur when a particular aspect of our image is involved. Individuals who pride when a particular aspect of our image is involved. Individuals who pride themselves on being good judges of people may be mature and balanced about many things, but when the candidate they voted for is found guilty of misusing his or her office, they may persist in denying the evidence, scream about the hypocrisy of the opposing party, and predict that in years to come the judgment will be reversed. They may do all of this merely to preserve the image of their perceptiveness in judging people.
Similarly, people who believe they possess unusual self-control may deny that they are slaves to smoking or drinking and strain good sense in defending their habit. ("No one has really proved smoking is harmful; besides, it relieves tension" or "I don't drink because I have to but because I enjoy it; I can stop any time I want to.") When people who think of themselves as totally self-sufficient are reminded that they owe someone money, they may find fault with that person for reminding them. Those who see themselves as sensitive to others and completely free of prejudice may denounce anyone who points, however, innocently and constructively, to evidence that suggests otherwise. In ea
ch of these cases, the people may act to maintain their favorable self-image.
For many people the need to save face centers around a particular role in their lives:
Sam thinks of himself as a very devoted father who sacrifices for his children and has a close relationship with them. One day during an argument, his son blurts out that for years Sam has been more concerned with his business and his own leisure pursuits than with his children; he has in fact ignored and rejected them. Sam turns to his wife and demands that she tell the boy his charge is untrue. His wife slowly and painfully replies that the charge is essentially true. Sam storms out of the house, angry and hurt, convinced that he has been grievously wronged.
Agnes regards herself as an excellent homemaker. One day her husband suggests that the stove is overdue for cleaning. She becomes angry and accuses her husband of a host of offenses, from insensitivity to her, to selfishness, to rudeness to her parents.
Jackie sees herself as an unusually bright and conscientious student. Whenever the teacher returns a test paper that Jackie has done poorly on, she challenges the fairness of the questions. If this fails to get her grade changed, she paces the corridors and lounges of the campus complaining to her classmate and friends that the teacher is incompetent or dislikes her because of her clothes or religion
or point of view. Those courses from which she absents herself regularly, she tells herself, are boring or useless.
For still others it is neither the particular aspect of the image nor the role involved that triggers the face-saving reaction. It is the people who are observing. Are they friends or strangers? Parents or peers? Employers or co-workers? What some people think of us we may not care about at all; what others think we may care about beyond reasonable.

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